I know how to meet deadlines. When something needs to be done, I accomplish it. I am never late for anything, never on time, always early. I am highly efficient.

All because I am basically lazy and procrastinate at everything.

I wake up early every morning to get to work before traffic gets bad. And I like the little bit of quiet time before everyone else arrives. I read through emails I should have taken care of the day before, but I had procrastinated. Pisses me off when I reply to one and see that my boss has already replied before me. I resent that he replies to emails addressed to me.

Patrick makes fun of how fast I walk the floor of the warehouse. But I want to get shit done. Scott makes a comment that my assistant shows no urgency, just look at the way she ambles, compared to my race walking. But I go through my work day like I’m vying in the Olympics because of all the impossible deadlines which I need to meet. I get shit done.

When I get home, all I want to do is lie down in my incredible bed and put my feet up. It is the most incredible piece of furniture that I own. It is adjustable, it goes up and down and any which way I want. It is by far more comfortable than any sofa or recliner.

I don’t cook, therefore, I don’t eat sometimes. I don’t neaten, I don’t organize. I do the bare minimum needed. I take my meds, I floss, I brush. I make up deadlines for myself, iron clothes, file paperwork, I don’t ever meet these deadlines.

I don’t get shit done.